Becoming an American~
For years I have been telling my husband that he is an accidental American, and I am the Real American because I am the American by choice. He was born in the United States, and had no say in the matter. I had decided to become a citizen, and when I did, I pleged allegience to the Flag willingly and freely.
After I married Barnett, once a year from 1971 to 1975, the U.S. Government would send him a letter asking when his wife was going to become a citizen. Barnett would ask me and my response would be the same, "When I am good and ready, not before." The truth was I did really know if I wanted to be an American.
Although I was born French, there was not much "French" about me. Born and raised in South East Asia mostly by my Lao grandmother, went to school in Vietnam, grew up in both places Vietnam and Laos. Though I was always remind by my Vietnamese mother that I am French (how strange is that), deep in my heart I knew I was Lao. I am of mixed blood, French/Lao/Vietnamese and of course I am far from looking like a French girl. Making a long story short, I was twenty five years old when I was kicked out of Laos along with my American husband and daughter on May 28, 1975.
We arrived in Bangkok and stayed there for a week. Let us say that Isabelle and I were in Bangkok while Barnett rented a car and drove back to Nakhorn Phanom and crossed the Mekong River in the middle of the night in a small paddling boat to Thakhek to pick up some of our valuable such as small Buddhas and my grandmother's Buddhist Bible - A Buddhist scriptures in a classical Pali language transcribed into the local orthography were incised on palm leaves with an iron stylus, and the letter were then blackened with a soot paste. He came back to Bangkok with his prized possessions and we proceed to go to France to relax and spend some time with my siblings because Barnett had thought for sure that he was not going to have a job waiting for him in the U.S. - Many American Officers have been let go between 1972 and 1975, and the final lost of Indochina. When we left, none of us knew what was going to happen. Still, as soon as we arrive in France, Barnett received a telegram (no cell phones then), asking him to come home right away to resume his duty and work for the Refugee Task Force.
As for me, with no country to call my own, I was confused, lost, and I didn't know who I was anymore. Even if I held a French passport, how could I claim my French heritage having never life in France and not exactly feeling French either?
As much as I wanted then to become an American, I didn't want to do it for the WRONG reason. Sure it would have facilitate my stay if I did, but I was not going to take advantage of a country, any country if my heart was not in it. And if I did, take advantage and became an American, I would still be asking myself today, "Who am I? It is probably not important for most, but for someone with no country it mattered.
I still remember one of my American aquaintances telling me that she and her husband went back to Laos and it was great. She has forgotten that I am a Souvannavong-Drouot and unlike her there is no going back for me and I didn't have Texas, Tennesee, or Kentucky, etc. to always come back to. All I had was Laos, and I lost Laos.
After a year of living in America for the first time, and after a year of reflection I started to realize that I really like living in the States and I live what American has to offer to an Asian women with ambition and the thrive to succeed. I proceeded to study American History, the Constitution, the Bills of Rights, and six months later I was on my way to becoming an American providing that I passed the test, of course. I was in there so long, meanwhile people were in and out according to Barnett and both Jim, (don't remember his last name) my witness had thought that I had flunked. I passed with flying colors according to the young man giving me the test. He was a Captain in the U.S. Army stationed in Thailand during the Vietnam War and he said to me that people wanting to become a citizen should take my example. I was teary, I was so proud of myself, yes, I was. A month later, I was in Court raising my right hand pledging allegiance to the Flag, then off to Afghanistan with my husband and daughter, our first assignment after the War.
Nevertheless I never fully understood what it was to be an American until I took a position with the Government of the United States of America and I had to again raise my right hand and say this, "I do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office of which I am about to enter, so help me God." I looked around me, I looked at the people beside me, and wait a minute my brain was saying, this is serious and what would I do if the United States decided to go to WAR with Laos or France? I cannot, no I cannot take this lightly, nor can I ignore the fact that I cannot pledge without loyalty. I finished my pledge and I understood for the first time what it is to be an American and what it is to pledge allegiance. And yes, I will defend this country, my country until my last breath.
Does this mean I had forgotten where I came from, and where I was born and raised? Au contraire, where I was born and how I was raised are instilled in me, deep in my heart and soul and it will follow me for the rest of my life. I should never forget when I had no place to go and no country to call my own, America was right here waiting for me with opened arms.
After I married Barnett, once a year from 1971 to 1975, the U.S. Government would send him a letter asking when his wife was going to become a citizen. Barnett would ask me and my response would be the same, "When I am good and ready, not before." The truth was I did really know if I wanted to be an American.
Although I was born French, there was not much "French" about me. Born and raised in South East Asia mostly by my Lao grandmother, went to school in Vietnam, grew up in both places Vietnam and Laos. Though I was always remind by my Vietnamese mother that I am French (how strange is that), deep in my heart I knew I was Lao. I am of mixed blood, French/Lao/Vietnamese and of course I am far from looking like a French girl. Making a long story short, I was twenty five years old when I was kicked out of Laos along with my American husband and daughter on May 28, 1975.
We arrived in Bangkok and stayed there for a week. Let us say that Isabelle and I were in Bangkok while Barnett rented a car and drove back to Nakhorn Phanom and crossed the Mekong River in the middle of the night in a small paddling boat to Thakhek to pick up some of our valuable such as small Buddhas and my grandmother's Buddhist Bible - A Buddhist scriptures in a classical Pali language transcribed into the local orthography were incised on palm leaves with an iron stylus, and the letter were then blackened with a soot paste. He came back to Bangkok with his prized possessions and we proceed to go to France to relax and spend some time with my siblings because Barnett had thought for sure that he was not going to have a job waiting for him in the U.S. - Many American Officers have been let go between 1972 and 1975, and the final lost of Indochina. When we left, none of us knew what was going to happen. Still, as soon as we arrive in France, Barnett received a telegram (no cell phones then), asking him to come home right away to resume his duty and work for the Refugee Task Force.
As for me, with no country to call my own, I was confused, lost, and I didn't know who I was anymore. Even if I held a French passport, how could I claim my French heritage having never life in France and not exactly feeling French either?
As much as I wanted then to become an American, I didn't want to do it for the WRONG reason. Sure it would have facilitate my stay if I did, but I was not going to take advantage of a country, any country if my heart was not in it. And if I did, take advantage and became an American, I would still be asking myself today, "Who am I? It is probably not important for most, but for someone with no country it mattered.
I still remember one of my American aquaintances telling me that she and her husband went back to Laos and it was great. She has forgotten that I am a Souvannavong-Drouot and unlike her there is no going back for me and I didn't have Texas, Tennesee, or Kentucky, etc. to always come back to. All I had was Laos, and I lost Laos.
After a year of living in America for the first time, and after a year of reflection I started to realize that I really like living in the States and I live what American has to offer to an Asian women with ambition and the thrive to succeed. I proceeded to study American History, the Constitution, the Bills of Rights, and six months later I was on my way to becoming an American providing that I passed the test, of course. I was in there so long, meanwhile people were in and out according to Barnett and both Jim, (don't remember his last name) my witness had thought that I had flunked. I passed with flying colors according to the young man giving me the test. He was a Captain in the U.S. Army stationed in Thailand during the Vietnam War and he said to me that people wanting to become a citizen should take my example. I was teary, I was so proud of myself, yes, I was. A month later, I was in Court raising my right hand pledging allegiance to the Flag, then off to Afghanistan with my husband and daughter, our first assignment after the War.
Nevertheless I never fully understood what it was to be an American until I took a position with the Government of the United States of America and I had to again raise my right hand and say this, "I do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office of which I am about to enter, so help me God." I looked around me, I looked at the people beside me, and wait a minute my brain was saying, this is serious and what would I do if the United States decided to go to WAR with Laos or France? I cannot, no I cannot take this lightly, nor can I ignore the fact that I cannot pledge without loyalty. I finished my pledge and I understood for the first time what it is to be an American and what it is to pledge allegiance. And yes, I will defend this country, my country until my last breath.
Does this mean I had forgotten where I came from, and where I was born and raised? Au contraire, where I was born and how I was raised are instilled in me, deep in my heart and soul and it will follow me for the rest of my life. I should never forget when I had no place to go and no country to call my own, America was right here waiting for me with opened arms.
Eleven years ago today I was watching TV in the office and saw the first plane hit one of the Twin Towers, my first thought, it was an accident. I called everyone to come and watch, then we saw the second plane hit the second Twin Tower, we knew it was not an accident. All the NEXTEL we were carrying went dead. Our phones went dead. Everyone was running around panicking. Some were picking up their children and went home. I stood there in an empty office with Elle Murphy and suddenly my phone start ringing. I spent the entire day with Elle and an old man answering one phone call after another. I finally asked Elle to go home. An hour later I walked across the river back to Virginia from DC, and half way on the Memorial Bridge a taxi with six guys inside picked me up. When Barnett saw me, his face lift up and I felt so safe in his arms... Elle Murphy, if I had to pick someone to perform my duties in DS/DO (Department of State/Domestic Operations), I would have picked you. Thank you my dearest Sister for being in my life, I love you and I am blessed... I remember and I am praying for those folks who lost their loved one...
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